


To Have and To Hold

by raspberrymocha



Series: Raspberry does Ignoct Week [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Animal Transformation, Boys Kissing, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Fruits Basket inspired, M/M, Nudity, Self-Hatred, Somnus is a dick but what else is new, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 13:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20046454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspberrymocha/pseuds/raspberrymocha
Summary: Ignis was always told to never put his hands on the members of the Lucis Caelum family. When Noctis transforms into a cat before his very eyes, he realizes why.Written for Ignoct Week Day 2: someone gets transformed into an animal - chaos ensues.





	To Have and To Hold

**Author's Note:**

> This got a little out of control.

As a retainer to the noble house of Lucis Caelum, there are certain rules Ignis must follow. He must bow, speak softly, and most importantly, he is never to put a hand on any of the family members. These are the lessons that have been instilled in him since childhood, but only the last one ever seems to matter to Noct.

Noctis Lucis Caelum is the only son of Lord Regis, who Ignis was brought on to care for. He’d been just a child himself, barely two years older than the little lordling. Technically, it was Ignis’s parents who were hired, but when Regis asked him to look after his son, Ignis could hardly refuse. Lady Aulea had just left, before the ink was even dry on their divorce papers, and the boy was despondent.

“It’s my fault.” He’d found Noctis sobbing. “I did this.”

Ignis had wanted to hug him, but that wasn’t allowed, so he didn’t. Instead, he held out the new game he’d just gotten, one Regis had slyly suggested his son might like to play.

“Go away! You shouldn’t be near me.”

“Why?” Ignis remembers wondering if he’d misunderstood, if he genuinely wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Because,” Noctis had said, rubbing at his eyes. There was snot dripping from his nose, but Ignis didn’t bother pointing it out. “Because I… I’m not supposed to tell you.”

If he’d been smarter, Ignis might have pressed the matter further, but he hadn’t. “Okay. You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to stay, if that’s alright?”

“…Okay. But if something bad happens, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Except nothing bad had happened. They grew up, as little boys are prone to doing, happy and healthy and with only minimal metal scarring.

Noctis never really came out of his shell, only ever really interacting with Ignis. With everyone else, he’s sullen and aloof. Not that there’s really anyone else for him to speak to. They live in a mansion large enough to house dozens with only a handful of servants. There’s a nearby town, but Noctis hardly ever leaves the house, if he can help it.

Over the years, they’ve flirted with the “no-touching” rule. It starts with Noct reaching out for his hand, and ends with them kissing. It’s an awkward sort of kiss that involves leaning over the kitchen counter so that nothing but their lips touch. He reaches out, maybe to pull Noct closer or just brush the hair out of his face, but Noctis slaps his hand away.

“No,” He says, a little breathless. “This is… This is good.”

Ignis understands that he must have some problems involving intimacy. The “no-touching” rule extends to just about everyone in his life. The only person to ever really embrace him must be Regis, but that would have been when they were still children. This, _them_, must be overwhelming for him. It’s just that Ignis had hoped he could coax Noctis out of it, but obviously, true love does not conquer all. Not overnight, at least, so he lets it go.

“Forgive me.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me, I’m the one who’s fucked up.”

So they carry on like that. They hold hands, and sometimes Noctis will kiss him – always with something between them. He’ll lean over the back of the couch or the kitchen table. If he’s lucky, Noctis might let their legs tangle together, but generally there is no contact below the shoulders.

All the while, the mystery of the “no-touching” rule continues to keep Ignis up at night. It’s not unreasonable for a servant to be told not to touch his master, but that’s never really been the nature of their relationship. Why does it feel more like something Noctis is imposing on himself? Why does he react so violently to any attempt to initiate contact?

He gets his answer one day when he enter Noct’s rooms to find him sleeping on the couch. Ignis shakes his head, grabs a blanket from a nearby chair and steps forward to throw it over the sleeping nobleman. Now, Ignis is normally a coordinated individual. He did gymnastics as a child and that has afforded him a certain grace as an adult, but he didn’t account for Noctis’s shoes on the floor.

He stumbles over them, sending him careening into the couch where his charge lay. He’s sure that he must have woken Noctis up, but before he can utter an apology, the weight beneath him shifts. There’s a poof, and a cloud of colorful smoke. When he looks down, all he sees is a little black cat nestled in Noctis’s clothes.

The cat stares up at him with wide, startlingly familiar blue eyes. It almost looks horrified, but that’s ridiculous, because cats can’t make facial expressions, not the way humans can. Ignis stares at it, trying to comprehend what just happened. The puzzle pieces are all there, but none of them fit together.

In an instant the cat jumps down and darts behind an end table, as though afraid to even be seen.

“Noct…?” Ignis calls out, feeling foolish.

“Go away!” He hisses, and sure enough, the sound comes from the table.

Ignis shifts, leaning to look at his boyfriend-turned-cat. “Noct, what-?”

“I said ‘go away’!”

“No. Not until you tell me what is going on.” With some effort, he manages to reach back and grab Noctis by the scruff of his neck, pulling him from his hiding spot. The entire time, Noctis scratches wildly at the air.

“Put me down, godsdamnit!” He says, and Ignis does, right back on his discarded pile of clothes.

“You’re a cat.” Ignis says it simply, but his brain is still working on comprehending it. People don’t just turn into animals.

Noctis huffs, and it’s cuter than it has any right to be. “I didn’t want you to find out. Not   
Ike this. Are you…familiar with the story of the zodiac?”

“Sure.” Ignis says slowly, drawing his feet up on the cushions. He doesn’t see what this has to do with anything, but plays along for now. “The gods invited 13 animals to a banquet, but the rat told the cat it was on a different day, so he missed it. My mother used to tell me that story all the time, but surely you don’t mean…”

“My family is cursed. Of its members, 13 are possessed by the spirits of the zodiac animals. Whenever we are weak, or ill or hugged by another person who does not have a spirit, our bodies transform.

“Then… you’re…” He points a shaky finger at Noctis.

“The cat, yeah.”

“And Lord Regis…”

“Is the dog, in case you were wondering.”

“Is this why… you said it was your fault that Lady Aulea left?”

At that, Noctis averts his eyes. “Yeah, mostly. My mother… tried to understand, but it’s hard when you can’t even hold your own child.”

Ignis falls silent. He can’t even begin to fathom the enormity of it all. He thinks of Noctis, small and lonely and worried about someone discovering his secret. Already rejected by his own mother, and isolating himself so that he never has to feel that pain again. Starting up a romance, but unable to be close to the person he loves.

“Oh, and there’s one more thing.” Noctis says, and another cloud of smoke bursts out around him. “We transform back after a while, but we’re always naked.”

Sure enough, there is a very naked human man in front of him. He hasn’t had the fortune to see Noctis like this before, and although he tries to cover himself, it’s not quick enough to keep Ignis from getting an eyeful. Despite the situation, he can’t help but drink it in.

“I’m sorry,” he says, once some of the blood has returned to his brain. “That you had to go through that alone.”

Noctis pauses in the middle of pulling his pants up. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t alone. I had you with me. I’m the one who should apologize, for dragging you into this.”

“You haven’t dragged me into anything. I want to be with you, to share your burdens.” Ignis knows now that he can’t embrace Noctis, so he settles for reaching out for the man’s hand. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Noctis says, voice breaking. “But you deserve better than this. What good is a boyfriend that you can’t be close to?”

Unable to stand it any longer, Ignis shoots up from the couch, and throws his arms around Noct. He’s prepared for the transformation this time, and catches the cat in his arms, holding it close to his chest.

“If this is the only way I can hold you, then so be it.” He whispers. “It doesn’t matter what you look like. You’re still you. You’re still the Noctis I love.”

“Sentimental fool.” Noctis huffs, But he leans closer and starts to purr. “There’s… something else you should know, though. This isn’t… the first time you’ve seen me like this.”

* * *

Noctis hesitates in front of the door to the private chambers of Somnus Lucis Caelum. He takes a deep breath, and straightens his tie, as though dressing nice will gain him any favor. Finally, he pushes the large doors open and steps into the room.

The mansion he lives in with dad is nice, but the main house is practically a castle. He takes in the marble floors and the pillars lining the walls, as though seeing them for the first time. In the middle of it all is Somnus, lounging in a high back chair like a veritable king. It’s an apt comparison. As the head of the family, Somnus holds all their fates in his hands. He is, for all intents and purposes, their god.

“How nice to see you again, Noctis. I take it you didn’t learn anything from our last conversation?”

Noct remembers the last time he was here, when his father dragged him in by the arm to explain himself to Somnus personally. He’d known that what he did was foolish. He’d just thought that maybe… it would be easier to get it over with. Even if Ignis hated him after, at least the wound could start to heal without the constant pressure of the knife upon it.

“I can’t believe you would do something so reckless!” Regis had said.

“I didn’t mean to! I just- I love him.”

That’s why he’d done it. He’d taken Ignis into his arms and held him, felt his warmth seep into his body for one blissful moment before it had all come crashing down. He’d transformed, of course, and Ignis had stared in horror for a moment that seemed to stretch on forever. Then, he’d turned to flee. And run straight into Regis. Seeing the lord of the manor replaced with a great black dog must have been too much for him, because Ignis had fainted afterwards.

“I know you do, son.” Regis had put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s why we have to do this. I loved your mother, too, and look what happened to her.”

Noctis wanted to say that this was different, but it really wasn’t. He remembered his mother fleeing in much the same way. So they’d gone to Somnus, and he’d begged for forgiveness like a good little cat. When it was all said and done, Ignis’s memories of the incident had been completely erased.

He’d felt bad after that, going back to normal, pretending that nothing had ever happened. How could he carry on, knowing that Ignis was so repulsed by him? He’d told himself that he would break it off soon – Ignis deserved that, at least – but it was so damn hard when all Noctis wanted to do was hold him close.

But of course, he’d let it go too far. Here he is, in the same situation, because he just can’t quit while he’s ahead. Except, it’s not really the same. Because Ignis hadn’t run, even after discovering the extent of Noct’s deceit. Ignis still loves him, and that had to be enough.

Noctis kneels on the ground and bows his head. “With all due respect, I have learned something. I learned that you’re wrong.” He knows that he will pay for saying it, but the words still fall from his mouth.

“What did you just say?”

“I said that you’re wrong!” Noctis straightens up to look Somnus right in the eyes. The have the same eyes. “He- Ignis doesn’t hate me. He still loves me. He still wants to be with me.”

“Then he’s an even bigger fool than you are. Your mother said the same thing, you know. Before it all became too much for her. Of course, that’s your fault, too.” Somnus jabs a finger in his direction. “Because she gave birth to a monster.”

“I’m not a monster!”

“Is that what _Ignis_ said? Did you show him, then? The real you?”

Noctis swallows. He doesn’t answer, but Somnus must realize that of course he hasn’t.

“It’s easy not to be bothered by a little cat, but if he saw what you really are, he would hate you. Your own mother couldn’t stand the sight. Your father barely tolerates it.”

This, Noctis knows to be at least partially true. His father loves him, he’s sure of it, but he’s also sure that Regis would rather not have the cat for a son. On some level, Regis is ashamed of him, and Noctis doesn’t really blame him. All he’s done is bring shame to their family - what’s left of it, anyway.

“Do you remember what happened to my brother?” Somnus asks suddenly. He has a faraway look as he stares at one of the paintings on the wall.

“Yeah.” Of course Noctis knows. It’s one of those cautionary tales spread around the family, to warn of the dangers of interacting with outsiders.

Ardyn Lucis Caelum fell in love with a normal woman. Aera was her name, and Noctis has vague memories of her visiting the manor. She was a kind, gentle woman, who broke the rules to pat him on the head and give him sweets. Ardyn had managed to conceal the truth from her long enough for the two to become engaged. Then, just weeks away from their wedding day, Aera fell onto him. So shocked was she at seeing her future husband replaced with a long, copper snake that she fled their home. She hadn’t stopped to look out for oncoming traffic.

To hear Ardyn tell it, the whole thing hadn’t been an accident at all. Somnus had been there, and he’d been the one to push Aera onto her fiancé. Noctis had always thought it sounded just a little too paranoid, but now he’s beginning to wonder if he’d been too hard on the man.

“Then you know what will happen if you persist in this folly. You know what? I think this is a lesson you need to learn the hard way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to fix your mistakes. Ignis Scientia will keep his memories of this, and whatever else comes after it. Maybe when he doesn’t want anything to do with you, you’ll finally learn your place – alone, in that manor, where you can’t cause trouble for anyone else. Now, get out of my sight.”

Noctis scrabbles to his feet. He knows there’s no sense in arguing, once Somnus has passed down his judgment. He can’t get out of the house fast enough. There’s a driver waiting outside for him, and he ducks into the car, safely away from the prying eyes of the main branch of the family – his betters.

He doesn’t know what to do now. Somnus’s words ring in his ears, and they ring true. Everything might be fine with Ignis now, but if he saw the real him, that would all change.

“It doesn’t matter what you look like.” He’d said, but didn’t it? Would he still say “You’re still the Noctis I love?” When he saw _that_?

He remembers Aera again – her warm, gentle smile. If even she couldn’t bear it, what chance did Ignis have?


End file.
